Trails of an Angel

2006-07-06T15:13:00.000+08:00

the truth is...

I am being left alone by my two closest friends. They were my co-workers that eventually turned out my ka "etching ek-ek." I am friendly yet it takes a considerable intensity of-- which some people may call “magic” but as for me I’d rather choose to say—"chemistry" just for me to be completely bare... like mind to mind and heart to heart. (sigh) I am well-blended with these two people I just feel so left-out now that they are gone.

the good thing is...

i still see the excitement of what lies ahead. there's so much to look forward to. for now,i am sad. but i believe it wouldn't tear-heart so long...
eyes may not meet but hearts will still beat for each other...
and i think that's still better.

for all times, i know someone's got to be right beside me.

My ultimate BESTFRIEND...
and i am at peace.

when everything else is wrong...

2006-06-19T14:11:00.000+08:00

i had a series of what-went-wrong events that started way back there in cebu. i just bumped into things that never would make my lips curl up...
earlier, i received an e-mail that what i need is an ielts exam and not toefl (english proficiency test) God's timing has always been right, headed to manila with my sister and my cousin, i went to IDP and applied for the earliest schedule available (since i have to submit it immediately). undecisive, i weighed over and over again where i would take the exam (i was already in manila idp at that time and the office was about to close in just 30 mins)... baguio, zamboanga or iloilo. sure i wanted baguio but i never expected it sooner; my next priority would have to be zamboanga (my first: camiguin, and i was able to enjoy the place for two times in barely a month!); and my, how i loved to visit iloilo. thingking deep...actually, praying and begging for the Lord to give me instructions i finally made up my mind. "okay, the Lord just surprised with me this opportunity...i might just grab this." so, i was scheduled to take the test at baguio!
i thought i would just use up my refund for the cancelled toefl exam i had. aftermath, the expenses sounded like clashing cymbals. i started to hesitate...but then, "the Lord will provide, i'd be strict with my budget..."
i had reserved for a plane ticket bound to manila with 640 am as departure time and estimated arrival time 8am, just enough to catch up with the plane bound to baguio. when i got to the booking office for my baguio plane i found out that the plane ticket was way beyond my budget..."ka mahal...mahal pa sa ako roundtrip," (i whispered to myself) with a bit of frustration, i ended up with the decision to take the longer route--by land.
the day after, i went to get my ticket...but by that time a final decision had been made. "can i have a 3am flight instead of my 640am?" i calculated the time of travel, when i would leave cebu earlier, i'd be in baguio by early afternoon. i could still look for a place to stay in. that night, i had to pack my things up (one shoulder bag only!)...studied a little and realized it was already 12mn. i went to bed and really tried to sleep but failed. 1am came and gone, my eyes closed my mind half awake. "please Lord, help me sleep." I had a strong feeling that if i were to fall asleep by that time, i wouldn't be able to wake by 2am. woman's intuition...instinct, whatever you want to call that! I was able to wake up...4am in the morning! when i realized i was left by the plane...i started talking to my sisters and my brother (who were sleeping with me in the same room). they should have woke me up, they heard the alarm ticking. anyways,i went back to bed and decided to catch up the 640am flight(the one i turned down earlier).
however bad it seemed to be, one thing good just came in right in time. by around 430am my auntie texted and said money's ready with a little extra. WOW! i got up from bed,had shower and left the house. my brother told me (before i forget) he needed his money...so we hurried down to get some money at the atm machine just to find out it was not working. i ran to the nearest atm machine--a block away from my bank--and thank God, it served me well.
i went to the airlines and rescheduled...the thing was, the rate had to increase almost the worth of my round trip ticket, since i did not have it reserved. the next flight closer to my plane cost was 825am. i took it.
i had my breakfast at one of the port's cafe...just silent. i just wanted to cry. i just wanted to hear HIm talk to me. i started to get frustrated. i asked God and He assured me, i would never have to worry...just add goodness to faith. never easy way... but one thing i learned, amidst the pressure i have to be good the same way i have my faith kept. so i realized i have to enjoy His ways and bring praises to Him whatever will happen. by that time, i knew something wrong will come along.
i arrived safe in manila. i was able to catch up the 10am bus going to baguio. we arrived baguio almost 5pm. i thought it would be a 9hr travel but no, it took us only 7hrs. Thank God.
a man approached me... he helped me for my accommodation. i was brought at a hotel. i found the hotel clean and very colorful...we looked for another one and found. cheaper but never liked it anyway. so we hurried back to the first hotel only to find out the slot had been taken away. the next accommodation, 200p higher than the first. i said i should get it otherwise it might be taken by someone else...not again!
i was alone in a double-sized bed...that time i felt really all alone. i went out to sip some hot soup and to check the venue of the exam right after so i wouldn't get lost by the day of the exam. on my way back to the hotel, i realized i walked farther than i did when i came out from the place. i was lost. though i had worn my sweater, i still got some chills inside plus the heels of my sandals. ouch...my feet hurt. i asked the police officer (in english..easier than tagalog), he then gave me the direction in english which was not clear...(sorry for saying that). i still could not find it until i reached a corner and...i was already few steps going left towards my hotel. another opportunity to say thank you God, i could add goodness to my faith. no frustrations whatsoever, i just thanked God.
morning came. time for my exam. i lined up for the registration and almost my turn we received an instruction that academic examinees were to be at the other line. i started at the tail of the line--again. "Thank you Lord for the opportunity to just add up goodness to my faith, i know everything's gonna be fine."
i prayed really hard that during my exam, the series of "personal tests of goodness" would be atleast temporarily be lifted up. Thanks Dad. You made your promise real, nothing's really to be worried of.
i am still here in baguio...i finished my speaking test just an hour ago. i am now at sm, the place is overlooking the city. i already toured the place and just what a nice place this is. what a wonderful God you are!
i'll be leaving here by 11pm going to manila...you see, even the "thanks" that i uttered to God is all by His grace. I don't know how far i can go thanking HIm. but i believe He knows my limits. and He wouldn't leave me just as promised.

When everything else is wrong…
It’s okay.
Just be quiet, thank God anyway.

Only Alive

2006-03-24T14:15:00.000+08:00

Only Alive
I'm a fair weather friend
I'm a colorless view but I'm willin' to make a deal
If you think you can make some faith here inside
I'll drive off and marry you

I'm only alive with You
I can't get by and won't get through
So put me in the river and let me say I do
I'm only alive with You

You're a sight for sore eyes and a newborn cry
In a year where there are so few
If you throw me a line, I'll show you in time
I'm fallin' in love with You

Though my heart has been torn by loves I have worn
And I'm tempted by them ever still
I tremble inside when you walk in the room
You hold my affections and will.

"Only Alive"
a song from Jars of clay/// who we are instead

my heart just pumped out words to the One i am yearning to be "only alive" with and so i say,
He is my breath and i breathe every day to die with Him...
that He alone may live in me. Far be it that I wake up one day and realize my flesh has risen and consumed me...
for really my body remains footed into the ground, far from Heaven's gate.
Only by grace.

How i desire that nothing, no one shall ever consume me, but Him.
for He alone satisfies.
He sees my deepest desires...
my lonely nights seem to disappear because i know He is there!
For me...
My Lover!
He is here...
I am only alive with You,
My Jesus.

friends stay...

2006-03-17T11:14:00.000+08:00

friends may not always see and talk often...
but when their hearts meet,
it's as if nothing's really changed.

"a life time's not so long to live as friends..."

(picture taken during our last barrio fiesta as a jpian-div4:2003)

lost and found shadow...

2006-03-16T12:36:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I was quite busy at work...
I was trying to outrun time in order to finish every work needed to be done. But it was never really the work and the time-race I had yesterday that bothered me. All along my stomach kept on signaling my brain that it needed to be filled… and my brain served my body faithfully. I realized that.

“What’s the problem with me?” I exclaimed in desperation…

For all to know, I have been hiding food chambers inside my body enough to make me hop from one restaurant to another. Clear to me, I have this shadow that seems to stay with me as good as life gets…
And it’s been with me since I ever got to know what good food really means! It creeps hard to my system I am convinced it will stay with me forever
“’til death do we part!”
Well, after all I just want to say…
I have a very good appetite for food.

“But what is this that’s happening to me?”
Suddenly the shadow’s lost…nowhere.
“Please help me… I need to eat.”
I was already starving by mid day.
I still didn’t have my shadow back…
I was already telling the people (who by the way attempted to ease out my agony by offering me bread on the table and failed).

Until, later in the afternoon…
I asked my co-staff, Mavic if we could sit down and put flesh onto our plan for the Staff Development Training’s Welcome night…she agreed so we went out.
Mooon café was closed, so we headed straight to the mall…
And there I tried to wipe out the cloud that seemed to have blocked my shadow of appetite.
Thanks to Roma Mia. It reminded me of how delicious their hot-served lasagna is.
Successful I was…
Not quite.

I may have outrun time.
I may have finished my tasks.
I may have been physically revived…
I may have eaten lasagna, spaghetti and chicken.
(o, so Yummmmmyyy…)
But really it was not about me.
It was all about Him.

What happened to me was really odd. But what’s amazing is the point where God met me yesterday. All along, He was there to sustain me with strength unimaginable…
with wisdom unfathomable…
with joy undeniable.
Thank You God.

(In my vocabulary, “Food” never get it’s way out. )

of life and leaving...

2006-03-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

we all will live in this world so short a time...

but each of us has a choice not to leave from here a silent death.

we can have as triumphant exit as one being welcomed with the sound of trumpets...

a choice we have to make sooner if not now!

a choice to be made from every breathing day.

care... share... love.

care to share what good God has bestowed on us...

after all, LOve isn't when there ain't giving.

and the more we give...

the more we leave this world of dreaming hypocrites and proud losers

a taste of life,

a life that's free.

freedom from holding too tight

what seems to be golden bowls of riches...

riches that reach to the depth of grave alone.

beyond that,

what else?

nothing more.

but there are so much riches we need

to grasp and understand.

riches worthy to share.

riches that extend far off the grave...

to eternity.

riches--

of love,

of knowing self,

of knowing others,

of knowing far more than humanity...

JESUS.

the ulimate wealth

a man should know

and

possess.

and the more we love

THE WEALTH,

the more we live life as loud as thunder.

not one man will hear alone.

and the more we share,

the stronger the sound our life creates...

that even death

could not behold.

whispers in the rain...

2006-03-08T14:32:00.000+08:00

every drop of rain is to me a resounding beauty of Love...

everytime i see the sky gloomy, it makes me pray that God will tear-open the bags of raindrops so it would rain...and i want it over me.it really makes a day special to me and i like it most when i'm in my room--alone.

I'm sort of a thinker myself, i seem to be able to live a day without talking (hehe...atleast, i think i can), so the time i'm alone is time as good as a bag of gold (well more like winning a trip to paris for two!!)...so much precious it is when coupled by the music created from every drop of rain that hits the ground.

well, i should admit i can't live a day without talking...i'm sorry =( the truth is, the rain just seems to invade the whole of me! It keeps on sending waves of love straight to my heart, and i am shut-silent. Then my heart goes...

I am not a hopeless romantic waiting so long for my prince to come and take me out under the rain...because there's so much more.
Each rainy moment becomes so heavenly...i can hear my LOVER talking...
a still voice undisturbed by the beat is always telling me how much LOVE there is in His arms!
I soak-deep in this truth...
The rain is proof...

and I am more in love...
to my Lover...
my Jesus...
His name is sweetest.

what's more, i may wake up one day and hate the rain and every drop it falls...
but there's so much more.
the sun is there...
the burning rays of heat is as good as every drop of rain that whispers love...
i need no proof.